(I need to write this while it’s all fresh in my mind, before the “raw” emotions of the moment fade away and the more sanitized perspective takes over.)
This post is about “Life”, but I’m approaching it from a different perspective. Isn’t it fair to say that we can look at something from different perspectives and have very differing views of what we’re looking at?
Consider the two dimensional timeline of LIFE for a few moments. From this dimension, it seems like we have plenty of voices out there talking about life from one side, goal-setting, how to live your best life, “here’s what I’ve learned… buy my book… follow these proven steps!“, etc. etc. All good messages probably… and likely coming from positive perspectives intended to cheer us on, but what about the other end of the timeline? Do we hear enough from that perspective? Are there voices out there sharing what they’ve learned about life from that perspective?
Wouldn’t it be great to have a blog where people post their perspectives of “Life” after they’ve died? Hang in there with me, this isn’t getting weird or morbid, just trying to be real about some things right now.
I wonder what people would have to offer us from this perspective… what lessons could we learn, what wisdom could we tap into so we don’t make the same mistakes in our own journey. Think about the helpful citizen who takes it upon themselves to park at an intersection and warns people not to go further down a road because of an accident, or the bridge is washed out. We benefit and appreciate what they have to offer us. How would we benefit from the perspective of Life from the viewpoint of Death?
PERSPECTIVE SHIFT
In July 2022 I had a heart attack. Sometimes when I think about the experience, I can get a bit teary-eyed because it was pretty sobering. I was 60 years old at the time, and I’ve spent the past 18 months battling with old thinking patterns and working to redefine what normal will look like in my future. I’m currently winning… but with events from this past weekend, I’ve found myself pondering… reflecting… evaluating…
Just for some perspective I’ve had some symptoms come up in the last three days that have led me to notify my doctor. We’ll look into it more, but this post isn’t about my condition… it’s about reflecting on “Life” from where I stand right now.
0:00… Game Over!
Time is undefeated. In the span of history, no one has ever defeated Time. Sure, there are plenty of stories over the years where people were able to take the game into overtime… get a few minutes put back on the clock, but no one has come out victorious over Time.
Consider the athlete in the losing locker room for a moment. Initially, most athletes don’t sit there thinking about what comes next; if they played a role in the game, they’re likely reflecting on a play here or a play there; they’re thinking about how they could have done something different to impact the outcome in a more favorable way.
That is what the events of this weekend have led to this morning as I write this post… to evaluate the play here or there, to look at and learn from previous mistakes… to reflect on where my priorities are, how I use my free time; where am I expending most of my energy…and is that the direction I really want to go? But ultimately, my questions centered around whether I left things unsaid that need to be said? Have I said “I love you” enough… have I shared appreciations enough… have I told my daughter how proud of her I am… or have I missed opportunities to share those important heart-felt messages?
The heart attack was real, and it was sobering. It was a wake up call. The symptoms I’ve had this weekend only serve to remind me of that day in July 2022.
I’m not dying today… at least I don’t believe I am… but it stirs up all those emotions around that event 18 months ago… so although I’m trying not to be dramatic here and keep my imagination on a leash, I am reflecting on “Life” from a perspective of 0:00 left on the clock; not because I have no time left, but to learn how I can effect outcomes so when there is 0:00 left on the clock in my game, I will have no regrets.
Self-Medicating and Toxic Positivity
It’s one thing to carry a positive mindset, but we hear more and more of the term Toxic Positivity going around. People grow tired of hearing bad news, or hearing of the problems in the world around us, so we don’t want to hear the negative. I can agree with that when it comes to the things I have no control over… but what about the things I can control? Shouldn’t I be challenged to give my best to control those variables even if the challenge stirs up a negative emotion?
People don’t always want to deal with issues that make them feel any form of negativity. We don’t want to feel depressed or discouraged, or any other uncomfortable feeling. I didn’t want to get the notifications from my Fitbit that something different is happening with my heart this weekend either. But damn… if I don’t get those negative messages, how do I know there’s something I need to address? I’ve said it so often in the past, but you don’t need a pipe, bottle, or pills to be self-medicating. We self-medicate in so many ways to avoid feeling… and more importantly… dealing with areas of our lives that need CHANGE.
I’ve got this picture hanging on the wall in my office and my clients seem to comment on it more often than some of the other pictures.
I tell my clients that you can stick your head in the sand and still be getting your ass kicked. The topic is always around some issue they don’t want to address, or a feeling they don’t want to experience. It speaks to many of us though when we don’t want to face unpleasant issues that must be addressed if we want outcomes to change in our own life. If we are unwilling to feel the negative that surrounds undesirable outcomes based on behaviors or mindsets, if we don’t want to face and address trauma from our past, if we do everything (or anything) within our power to not feel unpleasant emotions, how will we change outcomes on the scoreboard?
ONE MORE LESSON FROM THE LOCKER ROOM
As I wrap this up, I’m reminded of a powerful memory I have going back to March 2010. Our team had about 6-7 seniors on the team that year and we had just been defeated in the Regionals. As I walked around the quiet locker room after the game, I noticed several of the seniors sitting and staring off into the distance. I was struck by the possible emotions these guys were dealing with at that moment. This was it… their playing career was finished… no “wait until next year” message was going to help them out. They were left with wrestling with the story that was written for them. Would they have regrets? Had they given their everything?
For us, there still is the time to say, “Wait until next year!” but it has to be followed with some changes in how we prepare for next year or we may likely experience the same outcomes. This post is just my way of challenging a person to evaluate where they are and where they want to be, because this one thing is so very true:
Time runs out eventually… but what we can do is change the score at the end.
That’s where I am as I reflect this morning, as the feelings from that experience 18 months ago come rising to the surface in my thoughts.